View attachment 60552
That was the worst attendance and performance of any pub crawl we have ever had, and it wasn’t even raining. A grand total of 3 employees made it to the second bar, and two of the three were over 40 years old. I believe only one employee went on to the third bar. My god people, I’ve seen better turnouts for [insert name]'s watercolor classes!
Now, I generally don’t put any stock in the millennial bashing hogwash that occasionally gets spewed in our society these days. I have defended the millennial generation on many occasions. However, in this instance, you millennials let me down. You let yourselves down. My generation, and the generations before mine, knew how to practice proper debauchery when we were in our 20’s. Did you not learn this while you were in college? Were you too busy doing your tweeting, face booking, and snap chatting to learn proper in-person debauchery?
I am so disappointed. You should be ashamed of yourselves. You are supposed to be the future of our company. You need to start acting like it. You need to start making better choices in your lives. Where is Mr. Hodge, you ask?
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got the Company Pub Crawl?
This rant is purely farcical and in no way represents the policies, opinions, and views of the Company, nor is it meant to pressure you into attending future pub crawls (because you’ve proven yourselves to be lames), drink too much, puke on the sidewalk outside of the Beach Ball, have a coworker take a video of it, and email it to staff. Although, seriously, if you saw our Principals when they were in their twenties, you would reconsider your choice not to attend as a proper course of action for career advancement.
Good work, Sar!!! 
